The Real Secret

I think the only way to keep yourself from becoming bitter when others hurt you is to offer up every single tear for the salvation of their souls.

I was praying to Saint Joseph and begging him to not let another man come into my life only to break my heart. I don't know if he will keep them far from me, but I will offer up the hurt for hope of their future, because it's the only thing that can make it all worth it. But please Saint Joseph, protect my heart because of your fatherly love!

But we had time against us and miles between us

I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again
I put my hands up
I'll do everything different
I'll be better to you
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again
I put my hands up
I'll be somebody different
I'll be better to you

The Underdog of Candy

Recently I've been seeing an influx of advertisement for Kit Kat bars. I remember growing up, and October 31st after October 31st I would asses my loot and candy would be ranked, separated, stolen by my mother and finally enjoyed. Chocolate candy was far superior to the nerds and smarties. With Reece's cups as the front runner, not closely followed by Snicker's, Milky Way and maybe finally a Three Musketeer. The Kit Kat was then eventually enjoyed sometime between Thanksgiving and Christmas by default after the consumption of the others. I, personally have sometimes treated the Kit Kat as second rate but maybe it's worth a second look, and deserving of our respect. I propose that it's design was not a mistake and the combination of wafer and chocolate accompanied by the ability to "break me off a piece" is simple but brilliant. Not all candy can be Reece's cups and not all days can be 70 degrees and sunny. Not all TV can be Say Yes to the Dress and not all breakfast can be pancakes, because when would you have room for a skillet or a scramble? It's the differences that make life great, especially I think, when it comes to people. The freedom to be ourselves and be appreciated for being unique, and not required to be what we are not. While some might be considered best by popular opinion, I believe that out there...somewhere...some beautiful soul chooses the Kit Kat as their very favorite. Why else would they still be presenting them in the candy isle after all this time? Room to be ourselves and accepting others for being their selves would make this a much more colorful and interesting medley. So, let's give one another a break, and enough of a chance.

The Times They Are a-Changin'

I remember when good looks was enough to get a boyfriend.

My how the times have changed. You have to be able to create a singles profile just to get noticed these days. But really, why are people single so much longer now than my parents generation? What on earth are people looking for? What are MEN looking for? Or better yet, what are they waiting for? And, for crying out loud, where are all the good ones?

All of a sudden, I was 26, and I was exactly who I always wanted to be.

"Father, I'm going to be 27! What am I doing with my life?!?"

That's what I shouted at my spiritual director last week. Twenty seven years old. That's what I'll be. Granted, that's more than half a year away, but I really just started to understand that I'm twenty six. I spent the better part of January and February feeling sorry for myself. I was awfully busy comparing myself to others, being jealous of them, and beating myself up for not being more like them. What a waste of time! I was completely miserable over it and took a downward spiral which turned into me walking around everywhere with a dark cloud over my head. I was short and cranky with almost everyone, because I wasn't happy with myself.

Until Jesus intervened.  He reminded me of His love. It's enough. His love is enough. He is the source and only cause of my joy. He listens to the pain, holds you tight, and has the remedy. And then I realized that I was going to be twenty seven and I have a relationship with the Lord. I know Jesus. I pray. He loves me. It's like in a way I'm everything to Him. So, twenty seven doesn't seem so scary. And twenty six, not married, waiting tables, and still somewhat financially dependent on my parents is not only "not that bad" it's perfectly wonderful, because it's right where He wants me to be. I can face all of it with joy because He has heard all my prayers and brought me to who I am now, exactly who I always wanted to be. Being His.

Dream Big and Then You'll End Up in the Stars or Whatever.

I have a few dreams these days. I would like to find a new job, with weekends off. I would like to move into a little place of my own that I can make adorable. I would like to buy a few dresses and ride my bike around town. And if I get all this maybe I'll get a little doggy, or big doggy and then I'll have a little buddy.

So far though all of these have been very difficult, because they all depend on the first...new job. I'll do anything...mostly anything that has a regular schedule. I have a college degree for crying out loud! Does this mean anything anymore? Maybe my dreams are just too big...or maybe they are just around the corner.

I hope so...and then maybe someday I can dream of houses with porch swings and a husband to drink iced teas with. So far I guess these are my plans.

But...

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11


Are these the plans that you have for me Lord? Or do you have other plans? Are you calling me to something more than dogs and bikes and being a girl? Am I holy enough to accept your calling on my heart? Or does this heart, and the desires of this heart need a little work? 

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Jesus, form my desires, so that it is not my desire instead of Your will. Come clean house in this heart of mine before you give me the desires of my heart.

The great paradoxes of my life, January 2012

I love apples, one of my very favorite foods. Supposedly so healthy, yet they make me so sick.

Jillian Michaels helped me achieve my ultimate goal of being able to fit into my jeans, yet I still hate her.

I've been acting like a bit of an idiot. I can acknowledge that I am being an idiot, and I can even anticipate that I'm about to do and say idiotic things. But, for the life of me, I just can't seem to figure out just yet how to not be an idiot.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

                                                                                                                       -Mother Teresa