Dream Big and Then You'll End Up in the Stars or Whatever.

I have a few dreams these days. I would like to find a new job, with weekends off. I would like to move into a little place of my own that I can make adorable. I would like to buy a few dresses and ride my bike around town. And if I get all this maybe I'll get a little doggy, or big doggy and then I'll have a little buddy.

So far though all of these have been very difficult, because they all depend on the first...new job. I'll do anything...mostly anything that has a regular schedule. I have a college degree for crying out loud! Does this mean anything anymore? Maybe my dreams are just too big...or maybe they are just around the corner.

I hope so...and then maybe someday I can dream of houses with porch swings and a husband to drink iced teas with. So far I guess these are my plans.

But...

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11


Are these the plans that you have for me Lord? Or do you have other plans? Are you calling me to something more than dogs and bikes and being a girl? Am I holy enough to accept your calling on my heart? Or does this heart, and the desires of this heart need a little work? 

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

Jesus, form my desires, so that it is not my desire instead of Your will. Come clean house in this heart of mine before you give me the desires of my heart.

The great paradoxes of my life, January 2012

I love apples, one of my very favorite foods. Supposedly so healthy, yet they make me so sick.

Jillian Michaels helped me achieve my ultimate goal of being able to fit into my jeans, yet I still hate her.

I've been acting like a bit of an idiot. I can acknowledge that I am being an idiot, and I can even anticipate that I'm about to do and say idiotic things. But, for the life of me, I just can't seem to figure out just yet how to not be an idiot.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."

                                                                                                                       -Mother Teresa

You're Never Fully Stressed Without A Smile

Women are so ugly when they are unkind. And obnoxious when they are bossy. They are no fun when they are stressed.

Men are ridiculous when they are fussy. And are silly if they don't like beer. They are unattractive when they are selfish.

"Gonna wash my soul, gonna get it clean" -El Camino by Amos Lee

"If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and throw it away; it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." Matthew 5:29

I am such a sinner. And instead of trying to just get by, committing the same sins over and over or even worse, committing grave sins maybe is should actually make a change in my life. How am I expecting to change my life without making a change. And I can't make the change, God can make the change, but I'm not even asking him to. Instead of waking up late, rushing to work, getting busy sinning with my right eye, left eye, right arm, and my TONGUE, I could finally do something about it. Maybe faith was really easy for me at first, and it felt like sins left my life like scaled falling off my eyes, its not the case now. And it's time to be a big girl and actually act like I could use the help. It's about time for me to finally be radical about changing my life. PLUCK IT OUT! Unfortunately, it wont be as easy as removing my eye. I need to start begging for grace. I need to stop coasting on the relationship that I currently have with the Lord and start striving a little bit. It's unfortunate that I had to learn the hard way that I'm in desperate need of conversion, but if I didn't chase after Jesus right now I would have completely lost. And be even more of an idiot. 

Pray for my soul! It's been two steps forward and eight hundred back. One day I'm praising the Lord and thinking about how eager I am to do penance for sinners, but the following day I can't even keep my own soul out of the fire. I hate sin. Let's get away with it. Before it's too late.

Every Moment of Every Day

"You are not the sum of your weaknesses and failures,but rather, you are the sum of your Father's love for you."- JPII

No matter how many times I feel like a screw up all day long, I have infinite love waiting for me at every moment.

Love Hopes All Things

Tonight when I was looking in the mirror, I realized that for a moment I wasn't picking myself apart and I could see I was beautiful, and believed it in my heart. For a minute. And I am one of the more confident girls I know. What are we going to do about this crisis of hating ourselves?